To do: The Scene Club

One thing Dubai definitely does well is cinemas. Without sounding too much like the west country bumpkin that I am, the cinemas here are pretty gosh darn swanky. Not only is the seating of the reclining lazy-boy-inspired sort and the popcorn served in massive boxes with mixed flavours (“Sweet AND salty? You rebel!”), but if you pay a little extra the staff will even bring you a pillow and blanket, thereby essentially tucking you in, which isn’t odd at all, right?

I thoroughly enjoy watching the biggest and shiniest movies while sitting in a big comfy chair and throwing popcorn aimlessly at my mouth. There are, however, only so many times I can watch things blow up/ people fall in love/ a villain get their comeuppance before I crave something a bit different from a film experience, something that will make me think a bit, something less – dare I say – ‘mainstream’, (excuse me while I throw up a little at the fact I actually used that phrase).

That’s exactly why I was so excited to learn about The Scene Club. While the name immediately brings to my mind angst-filled teenagers wearing mountains of eyeliner and staring vacantly at each other, I was happy to discover that The Scene Club is actually the UAE’s first, and possibly only, independent cinema. It puts on monthly showings of what it calls ‘the best of international independent cinema’ and often the film is followed by a Q&A with its producer, director, or actors, which is jolly fun.

And the best bit? It’s all free (hooray for free things)! There’s even complimentary popcorn for attendees, although strangely it can’t be eaten inside the theatre so you see many people gratefully inhaling the snack in the entrance hall. Tickets work on a first-come first-serve basis and apparently the showings are pretty much always crammed, so it’s best to register online and then turn up nice and early to claim your ticket and seat.

I’m just annoyed that it has taken me this long to find out about it, especially when I look at all the films I’ve missed. But once I had learnt of its existence, I signed up and eagerly trotted down to the venue in Knowledge Village, which turned out to closely resemble one of my old university lecture theatres – apart from the giant chandelier hanging from the ceiling, of course.

We were there to watch Like Father Like Son, a Japanese film by Hirokazu Koreeda about two couples who discover that their six-year-old sons were switched at birth in the hospital. The movie follows the two families as they decide whether to swap the sons back to be with their ‘blood’ parents. It’s a sweet movie that looks at what it means to be a family and what really bonds a parent and child.

Ultimately, the story comes down to one father, Ryota Nonomiya, and his relationship with his son (played by possibly the cutest child ever). The scene towards the end where the little boy is walking intently through town as his father follows patiently a few strides behind is really evocative. The Guardian did a jolly good job of reviewing the film.

By the credits, I was left with a great urge to give my parents a massive bear hug. But, then again, Disney’s Frozen had a very similar effect on me so what kind of judge of films am I really?

Check out The Scene Club website for information on what’s coming up.

Finding somewhere to live

I’m going to try my best to keep this from being a self-pitying rant fest but, in terms of finding somewhere to live, I’ve had a spot of bad luck since moving to Dubai – several spots in fact! I never quite appreciated just how important a steady and happy home is when trying to settle into a new country, nor did I know how blooming difficult an achievement this would be in the UAE.

In the nine months since moving here I have lived in eight different places, including five flats, one hotel, a room in a (very kind) colleague’s home, and the floor of a friend’s (spacious) store cupboard.

Now, there are numerous reasons why I’ve been hopping from flat to flat like a frantic kangaroo with an apartment fetish and no, none of those reasons are because I’m difficult to live with – how very dare you! That is, unless your definition of ‘difficult’ is not being happy to find multiple prostitutes in your living room (and shower…), or kindly asking someone not to smoke 20-a-day in what was advertised as a non-smoking flat, then yes, I’m near impossible to live with!

I think the main reason for all the home-jumping is that often I’ve only had about a week or so to find a new place to call home and I’ve learnt that the key to finding somewhere to live in Dubai is having plenty of time to look. Having only a few days massively restricted my ability to say ‘no’ and meant I was flat-hunting in a state of desperate panic. Also, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, Dubai is home to some rather colourful characters (aka odd-balls and sociopaths) so you need even more time if you intend on sharing your home.

When scoping out potential flatmates never make assumptions about what you may think is common flatmate courtesy. Never assume that flatmates will lock the front door when everyone’s out; never assume they won’t come into your room and look through your stuff; never assume they’ll think twice before carrying out loud sexual antics on the sofa; and never assume they’ll wear underwear in communal areas (I’m all for the post-work bra removal, but keep the knickers on while you’re wearing a skimpy dress, please!).

Fortunately this list doesn’t consist entirely of personal experiences, but rather an accumulation of tales that I’ve gathered from talking to other people here. That’s one silver lining to all this housing drama, apparently it’s all part of the Dubai expat experience (they don’t put that in travel guides). Ask a group of twenty-something expats about where they lived on first arriving in the city and you’ll unearth no-end of shocking, tragic, and often hilarious housing stories.

In fact, I recently found myself in a conversation where we were both essentially competing on how many places we had lived in over the shortest amount of time, (it was reminiscent of the my-dad-is-stronger-than-your-dad style debates that are so popular with primary-school children everywhere). Of course, I won and I was strangely proud of that. And why not? Like that not-so common saying goes: If life gives you crap lemons, then get competitive, enter a crap lemon competition and show off just how many crap lemons life has dealt you!

Bouncing in Dubai

If I were to describe Dubai to any potential visitor the first thing I’d say is that nothing in this city is regular sized. Whether that’s its cars, its malls, or its popcorn portions, everything here is blooming mahoosive and never done by halves (seriously, the popcorn is amazing!).

And now Dubai has something else to add to its list of massive attributes: trampolining! Based in Al Quoz, Bounce is basically a huge warehouse jam-packed with wall-to-wall trampolines, including pillow-y jumping pits, basket ball hoops, platforms to practice Parkour-esque moves, and a dodgeball court!

The official Bounce website quite wonderfully describes it as, “A spring-loaded urban playground, a fantasyland for free jumping and all that’s made possible when hard surfaces are replaced with circus-grade sponge and spring.”

I hardly need to explain how ridiculously fun this place is but, luckily for you, I’m going to anyway. For a short hour or two it becomes socially acceptable for you to revert back to your childhood days and bounce around like a loon. Trampolines are just good, honest family fun!

Your body, however, is definitely quick to remind you of your age and by the end of the session most of our group were nursing some ache or pain.

My personal highlight has to be finally managing to grab hold of the basketball hoop in what I imagined would look like a super cool and professional slam-dunk, but instead resulted in me swinging gently like a lanky git from the hoop, sporting a look of fear on my face as I gathered the courage to actually drop back down again… watch out NBA, I’m coming for you!

I’m slowly learning that summer in Dubai is much like winter in Europe – you spend much of your time indoors, hiding from the thoroughly unsocial weather wreaking havoc outside with very little to do in the way of fun – although here it’s scorching 45 degree heat you’re avoiding, not freezing winds and rain. So having something like Bounce to brighten up what have been, let’s be honest, some pretty slow weekends was a very welcome change.

Myself and my pal Claire showing them how it’s done (and in matching outfits apparently)

Now to conclude this post I’m going to quote everyone’s favourite fictional bouncing tiger toy, Tigger, because well, I can:

“The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs. They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy fun fun fun fun fun! But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I’m the only one.”

Disclaimer: For the sake of a balanced argument I should mention that immediately after writing this post I went to my exercise class and joyfully discovered that I have in fact brought back an old, (relatively tame) back injury following my Bounce antics – buggerations! I feel about 110 years old. It’s jolly good fun, but be careful folks.

Moving to Dubai

Close to six beautiful months have passed since I packed my bags and moved to Dubai. And by ‘beautiful’ I of course mean intense, scary, lonely, fun, difficult, tasty, and exciting (to name but a few emotions). Even after all that I still can’t give a definitive answer for how I feel about the place. So instead I am going to post something I wrote in December 2013 after only being here for a few weeks. Reading back through it makes me realise just how quickly and easily you adjust to things that at first feel so bazaar. Anyway, have a gander:

A friend once told me that the life a graduate can change very quickly. Whether that’s for the better or worse I’m not sure, but it’s true that jumping between interviews, internships and vying for the best placement can mean your fate changes in an instant. It’s with this in mind that I now write this from Dubai, UAE where I recently moved for a job – yes, a proper, actual, permanent job!

One minute I was a poor graduate milling around London town and now I am a poor graduate milling around Dubai with a job. Now, I thought living it up in ‘The Big Smoke’ for the last few years would have prepared me for any metropolis the world could throw at me – I am no longer the country Dorset gal too scared to cross a city road, but am now a savvy London type!

But I was mistaken, gravely mistaken.

Having been in the UAE for about a month, I can safely assure you that Dubai is mental. In fact “Dubai is crazy” seems to have become some what of catchphrase for me since moving here and I utter it at least twice a day – well that and “why is it so flipping hot?!” and “OH! Falafel!”

So in order to distract myself from the craziness, heat, and mountain of falafel I’ve just consumed, I thought I would list the top 10 things I’ve learnt about this mystical place so far (what fun!):

1) Monster Trucks are the vehicle of choice – Plus apparently UAE motorists have no need for wing mirrors, interest in indicators, or general will to live.

2) Everything here is bigger and/ or the biggest – This includes but is not limited to the food portions, cars, buildings, shops, roads, apartments, and the people. Apparently Dubai even boasts the world’s largest flower wall…

3) Pedestrians have no rights – The lack of pavements, insanity of drivers, hundreds of cheap taxis, and boiling midday heat mean that opting to walk anywhere will cause many a raised eyebrow to be pointed your way.

4) Expats are everywhere – 70 percent of the Dubai population is made up of expats. 70 percent! This results in an interesting melting pot of nationalities, but means that everyone is super international and anyone who doesn’t speak three languages and have a family member in every continent stands out like a sore thumb – a boring, boring, sore thumb.

5) On the plus side, everyone speaks English!

6) Forget what you knew about the tube – The metro here only has two lines, is above ground, air-conditioned, and ridiculously clean and therefore completely unrecognisable as public transport to any Londoner.

7) Recycling is a big no-no – For a country built on fossil fuels you’d think, for the sake of a few karma points at least, they would want to give something back to nature, but no. If you ask your office manager where the recycling bins are while armed with a pile of paper and a hopeful smile you will be laughed at, trust me.

8) You will never feel safer – A strict, slightly fear-inducing law enforcement system does have its positives. Dubai feels incredibly safe, which is proven by the many people who happily abandon their wallets and phones on the table as they go to the bar and don’t feel the need to zip up and clutch their bags protectively when getting on the tube. All of which leaves anyone who has lived in London, or anywhere in England for that matter, disoriented and bemused.

9) It’s a city of contrasts – An Islamic state with a huge drinking culture? Feeling completely safe walking around at 3am by yourself, but then experiencing near-death experiences while driving on Sheikh Zayed Road? Women covered head to foot walking past ladies in bikinis?

10) Beware the Dubai stone (or 6.4kg for all your metric kids out there) – There are a million and one restaurants here serving massive portions, which when combined with lesson no. 3, will cause you to grow to the size of a house and have to be rolled back onto a plane to visit your loving family.

Heed my warning potential Dubai expats! #DubaiIsCrazy